Friday, 5 June 2015

BITTER/SWEET LOVE                                                 


With withered hands she drew her long grey windswept hair away from her face. As she
sat on the bench she took in the familiar freshness of the sea air and listened to the squawking of the seagulls ringing out their tune. She had not come here for closure for she would not find it. Nor would her love for him break free of its hold or his memory fade.

Fifty years had passed since the summer vacation she had taken at her Aunt’s to recover from completing her A level exams.  She closed her eyes and her senses took here back to that halcyon day which was to change her life forever. She remembered how she had unwrapped her peanut butter sandwiches and the seagull which had swooped beside her.  She broke a piece off and it ate hungrily only to be joined by a swamp of gnashing beaks eager to take their fill.  Engulfed by panic she could see the figure of a young lad in the distance. He had noticed her plight and running towards her with arms flailing ferociously dispersed the unwelcome prey. “Are you OK” he enquired anxiously?"
She took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh of relief, “Yes, yes thank you so much, that was so scary. A bit like that film with the birds”. He smiled, “Yes something like that. Do you mind if I take a seat?”.  She moved her coat, “Please do. I guess I owe you a sandwich”. No I am fine thank you. The name’s Steve. It’s lovely here. I’m working on Contract in the area but I come from Newcastle”. She felt herself blush, “I’m Maggie and I live about ten miles inland. I’m taking vacation here after doing A levels. I hope to get in to teacher training college pending my results”

The rest of course was history. Sharing their dreams of  an eventual  future together.
She had struck lucky for he was genuine, loving and adored her. After a blissful summer
his contract ended and he went back to Newcastle.  They agreed to write and she remembered penning her first letter; her words echoing  the intense love and fire in her heart .  The excitement of receiving his first letter was her every breath. She waited patiently albeit the restless nights unable to sleep in anticipation of the early morning post. Yet no reply!!!!!! She couldn’t ring for his parents did not have a home telephone as many didn’t in the late 1950s. She wrote again. Still no reply!!!!!!!!!

The coldness in the air brought her back to reality and she opened her eyes. Her face was wet where she had been quietly sobbing. The storm clouds overhead were significantly angry and reflective of her mood. She hated him for betraying her yet still loved and cherished his memory.  Answers she would never have and a  soul which wouldn’t rest.
She re-gained composure and felt the  presence of a middle aged woman next to her. “Do you mind if I sit here?”. “No of course not. Please do”, Maggie replied. The woman
made herself comfortable,” Looks a  bit stormy luv, are you from around here?”. “Oh no”
replied Maggie. “I live in Arundel but always liked it here. When I retired from teaching I was thinking of moving here but you know how it is. I don’t want to move away from friends in my old age. I have no family,  never married.”.  The woman waved to a passer by, “I’m along the seafront quite a bit. I work in the nursing home up on the hill and we bring the folk down in their wheelchairs on a good day. The sea air is so good” Maggie
                                                          -2-


turned and looked towards the Home, “Yes lovely spot. I would imagine the patients are local residents?” “Yes they are. It is practically impossible for outsiders to get a placement here. Mind you, we had a chap some time back who we had to take when his parents could no longer look after him. He insisted he had to be here and special arrangements were made through the Board up north for him to come here on mental health grounds. He wasn’t actually mental but somehow he needed to be  here for his own sanity” “That was good for him then; exceptional circumstances especially if he was younger than the others” Maggie quipped.
The woman took out a packet of cigarettes and offered  Maggie one . “No thank you, but please go ahead”. She lit the cigarette, “The names Sharon in case we meet again or just pop in and have a cuppa”. Maggie felt her warmth and smiled, “Thank you, maybe I will, I’m Maggie. I think the Carers in Homes are wonderful. It’s very sad that younger chap had no-one to take care of him after his parents. Obviously no family”. Sharon put out her cigarette. “Yes it was tragic. With us for thirty years he was. Died a couple of years ago. I used to bring him out and he always wanted to sit in his wheelchair under that tree.
Apparently as a young lad he was courting a girl on vacation here. He had o go back up North but had a near fatal crash on the way back. Paralysed from the waist down. He intended to marry the girl. She wrote to him several times but he didn’t want to be a burden and ruin her life plus he  knew she wanted a family. He just wanted her to move on so he never replied. Broke his heart it did and he kept her photo by his bed until the day he died. Maggie’s mind was racing and she could feel herself tremble. “Sharon, could you walk over to  that tree with me, the ground is unsteady?”  Sharon looked puzzled,” Yes luv of course, if that’s what you want, Here give me your arm”. 

They reached the tree. ” I carved my name on this tree with a young man once” Maggie said trying to keep her composure.” I will show you”. She moved around the back of the stump. “There it is Steve and Maggie”. In disbelief Sharon covered her face. “Oh God his name was Steve, Steve Sampson!!!!!!” The tears cascaded down Maggie’s face, “A heart has been carved around it”.  Sharon held her close, “Steve carved that heart just before he passed away. Maggie traced the indent of the heart with her hand. She would have sacrificed anything to have shared a life with him. Nevertheless she had still been his and he hers. A feeling of warmth overwhelmed her for her heart was on fire.. She looked towards the sky. The sun was peeping through, “One day my love, one day!!!.


 



06/06/2015

Wednesday, 11 February 2015


A VALENTINE SONNET DEDICATED TO JOHN MARLOW



It’s Valentines’ Day and love is aglow
Romanced in Candlelight flickering low
Loves grown to infinity and beyond
Through good and bad we ne’r  severed the bond
Hearts and red roses; symbols of the day
White roses I wore on our Wedding day

I met you when I was just a girl
My world spun around, my heart in a twirl
You made me feel special, cared and loved
My tall handsome Prince, gifted from God above
Time has gone by and you’ve stood by my side
Being without you I could ne’r abide

The journey of life; a hard course to fly
Without each other we would not get by

Love is forever and love never dies

Happy Valentines’ Day darling John


14/2/2015








                          

Monday, 19 January 2015

THE CHALLENGE


He drew open the curtains and surveyed his new surroundings. This was not only the dawning of a new day but the awakening into the unknown. The rented flat was dull, shabby and musty and the noise from the street market sellers below echoed the unfamiliar loud uncut tones of the East End. As he opened the wardrobe door his Saville Row suits and Designer clothing were a stark contrast to the newly purchased cheap clothing.  His descent in society was of his own choice and reasoning and would ultimately answer the question which so haunted him

His mobile rang causing a flush of adrenalin. He knew it would be Cassandra and let it go to voicemail. “Hi Jeremy, I have spoken with Rob. He says you are back from South Africa but had to go straight to Wales for family reasons. Hope everything is OK. Oh by the way the Midsummer ball is coming up and I’ve seen this really super dress. It’s a tad expensive and will sell quickly. Its unaffordable with my rent and outgoings so baby could you help me out.  I love to look good on your arm. Ring me back when you have a moment. Chow”. He loved her dearly but would spend a few days to himself adjusting to his new surroundings and then the challenge would begin.

He walked across to the café. “Yes luv, what can I get you?” “A full English breakfast and a coffee please” he replied nervously. “Take a seat, I’ll bring it over”. The atmosphere was friendly; must all be locals he guessed. “You aren’t from around here are you?” came the voice of an old man sitting nearby. “No” Jeremy replied, “I moved in across the road yesterday so you could say I’m a newcomer”. “Folk are friendly here, everyone knows everyone, Harry’s the name”. The old man reached out a hand. “Pleased to meet you Harry, I’m Jeremy or Jerry for short”.  “Ah here’s your breakfast lad, enjoy. I’ll leave you with the newspaper, hope to see you again.” Jeremy ate heartedly. The food was as welcoming as the company and he was impressed by the old man’s genuine friendliness.

The summer air felt heavy and dusty. The market stalls were busy with its bustle of Saturday shoppers zig zaging their way around with buggies and shopping trolleys. Life here is rough yet free from greed and social expectations. His mobile rang again. Panic engulfed him once again for it would be Cassandra. He knew deep in his heart he might one day have to let her go for she was the reason for his current situation. Again he listened to her voicemail. “Hi Jeremy, I tried to call you earlier but haven’t heard from you. Perhaps you’re out of range. Love and miss you honey”. Avoiding her was stressing him intensely for he knew he would have to call her. Time to ‘touch base’ with Rob and Mark with whom he had flat shared in South Kensington before his trip abroad. “Hi Rob, its Jeremy. Just to let you know Cassandra has phoned  me twice. Thanks for sticking to the plan. She thinks I’m in Wales with my parents. I’ll contact her in a couple of days. Speak later in the week”. He would now relax and savor the day to himself.

The noise of the street was saturated by a sea of accents from local cockney to the far off shores of distant Asia. He passed an Eel, Pie and Mash eatery. He would try that one
                                                              -2-


day. As he approached his flat he could hear the fruit and veg Seller, “Bananas, get your bananas”. An old lady fumbled in her purse “I’ve got some more loose change in my pocket; I need to give you 50p more”. As he packed yet another bunch into a bag the seller lent over “Don’t worry about that luv, just give me a pound”. Jeremy was impressed for they looked after their own in times of need and beyond.

He showered in readiness for an evening at the local pub. He didn’t welcome the idea of going in alone but with a band playing it would be busy and he could immerse himself in the crowd. He queued at the Bar. “Yes luv, what can I get you”  “ A pint of  Carlsberg please” Jeremy noticed her hands; hard working hands considering her youth.The Band started  up and the Bar area cleared.. He sat on an empty Bar Stool and soaked up the atmosphere.. He ordered another pint. “A busy evening for you tonight” he quipped.
She flicked her thick aubumn hair from her face, “Yea, I’ll be glad when its over, I was here cleaning at eight this morning. I clean here in the mornings and serve some evenings, you know how it is, keeps things ticking over. I live with my mother and have a two year old son, Charlie  but tomorrow is a day off.”
He was taken aback by her allegiance to hard work. “Have a good day tomorrow, take it easy. Oh by the way the name’s Jeremy, and yours?”  “Emma luv” she replied..

He spent the next couple of days soaking up the atmosphere of the local area. Then time was of the essence and he should  contact Cassandra. As he took his mobile out of his pocket he took a deep breath and pressed her number.. “Hi Cassandra, Sorry I didn’t call you.. I arrived back from South Africa last week but had to fly straight into Cardiff to sort out a few things with the family. I have broken away from the family business as I want to use my literacy degree knowledge and write a novel. You know, something for myself.” “Wow that is incredible Jeremy. If successful it will bring fame and fortune or even a blockbuster”.” Steady on girl, its not that easy to get a result. My parents are paying my rent and I’ve moved to a one bedroomed flat in East London” “Why East London Jeremy, that’s not your style?” “But that is exactly it. The novel will be based on that area so for research sake I need to live there. The flat is groggy and cheap but I only need a base. Anyway writers are always poor” he laughs. “Well yes Jeremy but I bet you’ll be back with the family business in no time. Poor isn’t your style”.

Cass ,I know we were talking of moving in together, well why not move across here.”
She hesitated, “Oh wow Jeremy, I never thought you’d ask. It’s a tad far for me to travel to work in Kensington but a girl has to support her man when he has ambition to climb great  heights. I will bring my things by cab Friday evening if that’s OK.”.

She arrived outside the shabby flat and looked up. Her head spun. Could she actually live here for  it was grim and the thought repulsed her. On the other hand she adored Jeremy. He was a ‘good catch and  may have found a path  in which eventual success would bring recognition amongst the elite of literacy and possibly a moneyed future. If not he would surely re-join the family business.

                                                       -3-


Jeremy laid the ground rules bare. Rule 1. He would write only when alone. Writers  needed quietness and privacy without the turmoil from others. He would do his research and writing  whilst she was at work.  Rule 2.  He would secure his work so only he could access it. Sharing it with her would disrupt their time together and critisicm would only make him insecure. The later rule  knawed at her with intensity but at least when together she would have him to herself instead of  the loneliness of watching him burn the midnight oil. 

So far she was playing into his hands and he hoped  the eventual outcome would bring the answer he so needed.

He awoke early on Saturday morning and nudged her, “Think we’ll go out to eat”. She opened her eyes, “I’ve go a new pair of Victoria Beckham jeans to wear. Where are you taking me Jeremy?” Her mind was racing with  excitement, “There’s a lovely new Restaurant in South Kensington”. He gave her a gentle hug, “It’s a surprise”.  The Street Market was busy. Cassandra found the atmosphere of the crowd  and gruff voices of the street vendors disconcerting. This was not her style though she reminded herself this was the learning curve of Jeremy’s research and she needed to support him in his quest whilst keeping  her own balance.

He took her by the hand and lead her to the Eel, Pie and Mash eatery. As he opened the door he looked at her with a wry smile. “This is an experience we must try, they say the food is good. She felt her stomach lurch with disappointment though she knew her pretence had to be maintained. “Oh wow, this is certainly different, good choice”. As they ate she surveyed the tatty café style layout and banter of those around her, “The food is lovely and this place, well what can I say, it certainly has character”. “Glad you like it” he replied. I’ve never tried it either. Tonight we’ll go across to the Half Moon; they have a band Saturday nights.

The Pub was crowded and the queue at the Bar was endless. However Emma caught Jeremy’s gaze. “A pint of Carlsberg and a medium sweet wine for the lady please?”. He noticed she looked tired. “Emma allow me to introduce you to Cassandra or rather Cass for short.. She’s now moved in across the way with me”. “Nice to meet you luv” she replied in her Cockney slang. Again Cassandra felt uncomfortable “Likewise, thank you”. Jeremy sensed her discomfort, slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her in tightly, “Have you noticed these people are so genuinely good hearted and easy going. When you get to know them its so easy to relax”. Cassandra  smiled gently, yes they are lovely. May I have another white wine please?” He looked at her glass, “That went down rather quickly” he quirked with a smile, “It’ll  go to you head”.

The Band had struck up and he went to the Bar. “Yes Jeremy what can I get you?"
 "Another white wine please Emma, By the way you look tired. Is the little one OK?"
                                                       
                                                                 -4

She poured the wine into a glass, “Had very little sleep last night, he has a cough and I was here cleaning at eight then had to visit my dad who isn’t too well either”. Jeremy sighed, “Rather a lot on your plate at the moment”. Cassandra  noticed the familiar  banter and scowled. He passed her the wine and beckoned her near the door where it was quieter. “How about we go out to Canary Wharf for a spot of lunch tomorrow? Her  face lit up, “Oh yes, it’ll be like old times”. “Well not quite” he quipped. “I’m financially squeezed. Ninety pound for a meal is out of my budget but I guess I can manage somewhere mid-way”.  She hid her disappointment but  in her silent mind hoped  he would eventually tire of this lifesyle and face reality. “Yes, of course I understand. I want you to fulfill your dream and if that means cutting back well so be it.”  He ran his fingers through her hair. “That’s what I love about you Cass, if this project  is a success then I have achieved something off my own back and I am so proud of you and your support. How about having Saturday nights in, you know wine and candlelight. We could take it in turns. I’ll cook next week. It’ll be special, just the two of us.” She nuzzled her head into his neck. “Yes, would be lovely”

She loved his cooking and the combination of candlelight and wine played with her emotions. As they lay on the sofa she sipped her wine and felt an overwhelming contentment. He was a good man and deep down she loved him. As she placed her head on his chest she felt safe and  drifted into sleep. Next week would be her turn to return the gesture..      

The loud, gruff voice of the fruit and veg seller outside the flat annoyed her immensely.
“Yes luv what can I get you, in fact don’t answer that darling cos I’d give you the world.
He chuckled and eye her from head toe. She felt herself cringe at his common and forward manner, bought two bunches of grapes and made a quick exit back up to the flat.

“You look a bit flushed” Jeremy said, “Are you OK?” She put the grapes on the table,
“That guy down there on the stall is rough and offensive.  I don’t like his manner”
Jeremy took her hand, “You mean Jake. His manner may be so but he is still in business.
Would you believe me if I told you he goes to the Caribbean twice a year and they saye he
owns a beautiful home;, swimming pool the lot. Apparently he owns owns a number of stalls down there. A lot of those kind of people are moneyed. It’s all part of the learning curve honey.” Still wouldn’t be my type “ she replied flippantly.

The following few weeks were blissful and Jeremy sensed a togetherness and continuous foundation of happiness in Cassandra. The marketing project on which she had been working had been demanding yet successful.

He was sitting sipping coffee awaiting her arrival home when he heard her bounce up the stairs. Excitedly she threw her handbag onto the sofa. “Guess what? we are going for a celebratory meal Saturday night to celebrate the success of the Cereal promotion. Apparently it’s flying off the shelves. Do you really mind if I join the others and stay with my parents or a girlfriend for the night? I appreciate it’s our ‘night in’ but I’ll make
                                                           -5-                            

it up to you” Jeremy placed his mug on its Coaster. “No of course not Cass, it’ll do you good to ‘let your hair down."

She enjoyed the weekend for with it came freedom  and re-claimed luxury of one of her favourite restaurants.  Unbeknown to her the occasion would bring her to the crossroads of confusion. In Jeremy she had found a genuine and safe love yet again she hungered for the ‘high life’. However shed had to 'hang on'. for he was ariculate, educated, reliable and would surely return to his 'roots' and financial standing if she waited long enough..  Perhaps she could sway a few more girlie nights out to keep her inner balance. She would have to approach him when the moment was right.

Lying in his arms a few nights later she took her opportunity. “How about we try that  Indian Restaurant at the end of the market. I  know you’ve always wanted to. My treat?” “That’s thoughtful of you Cas”. She kissed him on the cheek, “I’ll book a half day in the week and we’ll do it. I do love it here, it’s, you know, fascinating and different”. Unintentionally Jeremy  asked the question which ‘played right into her hands’. “It means so much that you like it here with me. You really are very supportive, I love you so dearly., you know how much this project means to me. I know you enjoyed your night out with the girls, you must  think of yourself also”.  She felt a huge relief for here was her cue. “Well actually they are going out for a birthday on Friday, we will still have our Saturday night together, would you mind?” He stroked her hair “Of course not, in fact there’s a talk on local history in the Town Hall Friday evening. I’ll go to that. Now let’s go to sleep, your alarm goes off at seven.. ”” 

Friday morning she rose early and excitedly packed a bag. “See you tomorrow night, Ill be staying with one of the girls. I’ll bring home some shopping, my  turn to cook”

As he approached the old Town Hall he admired its architectural beauty. A small crowd was beginning to gather. “Sorry! this evening’s been cancelled” came the voice from the Caretaker “The Speaker has been taken ill”.

There was only one other option, the Pub. At least Emma would be good company. She was well liked for her humour and genuine kindness. He knew deep in his heart  had it not been for his love for Cassandra he would find a soulmate and undoubtedly more in her. Something he always mindfully dismissed.. 

As he entered the Pub he felt uneasiness. Far from the usual greetings the atmosphere was silent and awkward. Emma caught hi glance. “Hi Jeremy luv, what can I get you?” “Has someone died?” he asked quietly and inquisintly. As she poured his usual pint  he noticed her blush. “What’s the matter Emma. Are you OK?” “Yes, thank you I’m fine.”  He sipped his pint. “The atmosphere here is definitely different. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Joe and Bill looking over. Emma felt flustered. She didn’t want him to be the last to know yet she hadn’t the heart to tell him.

                                                            -6-


As the evening gathered pace the drink flowed. Jim Hansen, a stall holder who spoke his mind after a ‘skinfull’ staggered  over to the bar. Emma shuddered as he put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “So where is your young lady tonight? “ Jeremy turned round, “She’s gone out with friends for a Birthday drink in the West End”. Jim’s tone got louder, “Does that often does she, go up West?” “A couple of times, you know how girls like to get together without us guys hanging around”. Jim took a swig of his beer. “Well, young Jeremy, I think you should know that Jake on the fruit and veg stall just below your flat
has helped himself  and took her to a hotel in Park Lane last Saturday night and tonight he has other plans for her. Apparently she likes the ‘high life’.  Jeremy felt the rush of adrenalin rush through his body. “I don’t believe it, I can’t. I thought we had come to some kind of compromise. She was so attentive, loving and happy”.  Jim looked across at Emma “I think you would be better dealing with this from here.” He patted Jeremy on the pack. “Sorry mate to tell you but he’s not popular round here. Owns quite a few of  the stalls so folk keep quiet cos they need heir jobs. Thinks he can take what he wants. Emma threw her arms around Jeremy. “It’s OK luv, I’m so sorry my heart bleeds for you. You deserve better”. He clung to her, sobbed  and felt her warmth.

After shift she walked him home. “Now here is a small bottle of Brandy, it will calm you.
Just cry your hear out. I’ll make arrangements at home to tell mum I’m staying out. The little one will be fine with her. You can’t be left alone. I’ll sleep in a chair”

The Brandy calmed him. He was distraught, felt he’d failed yet a surge of relief took over. At least he had his answer. They sat on the sofa,  and as he placed his head on her shoulders he felt the softness of her long blonde  hair on his cheek and fell  asleep in her arms

Emma heard a key in the door. Cassandra ran up the stairs sobbing and bearing a badly bruised eye. She glared at Emma, “What the hell are you doing here?” “What the hell have you been doing Cassandra, he knows it all and I wasn’t the one to tell him” Cassandra dabbed her eye, “Jake decided to replace me at the last minute and when I objected started punching me.  I just wanted a bit of the ‘high life. I didn’t want Jeremy to find out, I didn’t want to hurt him”

Jeremy stirred and opened his eyes. “Half drunk and red eyed he slurred, “What are you doing back and what happened to you?” She told him the truth. “Please, please Jeremy, forgive me, I love you and beg you”. He beckoned her to the kitchen for he did not want Emma to hear the truth, not yet. He looked her straight in the face with both pity and hatred. “It was a challenge Cass, there was no writing project and I am still in the family business. Before I made a decision on our permanent future I needed to know you would love me for myself, not for wealth. I now have my answer. It’s not the one I wanted but it’s over, no turning back” Sill she sobbed and begged.  “Did Rob and Mark know?” “Yes, they were in on it because I needed to do this”

                                                            -7-


Jeremy went back in the living room to Emma and whispered, “You and I have some talking to do tomorrow”

Emma bathed Cassandra’s bruise and Jeremy packed her possessions then rang her parents and dialed a cab.

He took Emma in his arms and kissed her passionately. She too felt the love run through her veins. As his story unfolded Emma was shaken. Life would be different for her and her young son but as she said, “In moderation Jeremy, I am who I am"..

GAME OVER – he had found true love.
     
20/01/15


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